Recovering From Trauma: Putting My Life Back Together

Dealing with my trauma was and is not an easy journey. It is not one of those things you can just get over tomorrow or in a few months. Trauma is a never-ending journey that takes a lot of patience and sometimes impromptu interventions. And if it goes untreated for an extended amount of time, it has several negative consequences (I discussed in my last blog). Personally, I was angry at the world for something the world did not cause. I was quick-tempered and quick to lash out when I felt as though people were disrespecting me. You see, signs of disrespect (yelling, the intrusion of personal spaces, profanity, derogatory and curt tones…) were my trigger! Can you imagine how often my days were turned upside down because I had not dealt with my past?  Well, let me tell you, many of my young adult days were in constant flight or fight mode.
Eventually, I got to a point in my life to where I wanted to function as a “normal” individual and not a ticking time bomb! I was tired of being an “angry black woman.”  I was 100% aware of the potential negatives consequences my temperament could bring to my family lives.  I have many things I count as a blessing. I am a mother, a career woman, Chief’s Wife, and I inspire to be a role model for my girls’ and others. You know, we have to get to a point in life where we have to make decisions and not make excuses for our behaviors. When I came to that conclusion, and I thought I had it together, I did not.  In 2009 my world turned upside down with the passing of my mother. That was the bottom for me! After her passing, I felt like that year was a blur. I felt numb and apart of me dissociated from the moment. I lived by the minute and despite my family staying “rocklike” for me, I felt hopeless.
Lady holding sunflower
Looking back at my life, there were days where I did not know where I was and how I got there. It took many months after her passing to seek therapy because I thought “I would snap out of it.” I was inconsistent with my therapy sessions because I was forced to talk about grief and loss (therapy mentally and emotionally exhausted me). I cried for hours and some days following my therapy sessions.  Not just because my mom was physically gone, but the loss and abandonment I felt as a child (those two go hand in hand) were never addressed appropriately.  The one person who had all the answers to my many questions were no longer able to answer those questions. I somehow felt incomplete. As a young adult, my childhood was a constant thought that I pushed to the back of my head because I was raised to negate the fact I was hurting, emotionally and mentally. I somehow learned to deal with it as though my trauma never existed. I was never to question the why, how and what. But after living a life that was not healthy and purposeful,  I changed my thought process and asked… “do I want to live this way forever?”
As a young adult (even now, sometimes), I question the why, how and what because I feel I have a right to know why I was dealt a shitty hand. As a mother myself; I strive to be the best mother ever! And I cannot imagine giving my children anything but the best of me. As a military spouse and mother raised in less than favorable conditions, I have met issues coping with my past while growing as an adult.  Not to mention merely maintaining life through my husband’s dynamic, demanding military career.  One thing about trauma, the memory of events that happen in life never go away; I just learned to handle it positively by seeking therapy, practicing self-care and self-love, and surrounding myself around like-minded individuals.
God placed three beautiful women (the only women who I admire more than anything) in my life that somewhat compensated for what I missed as a child. The women taught me how to love unconditionally; how to seek God and never give up on my dreams (she’s my hype girl); how to dream big (college and career goals).  They took me in and provided me with the essential things I needed to become the woman I am today. Each person in your life serves a purpose.  There is also a purpose you are in someone’s life.  What is your purpose? How do you plan to use your purpose for good?
Thank you for taking the time to visit my page.  Connect with me; please leave a comment, like, share and email me.
You are resilient! Stay encouraged!

Reminder: My blogs are snippets of my trauma I would need to write a book to explain and describe the details of my trauma.

53 Comments

  1. Delilah

    September 29, 2018 at 5:43 AM

    I feel like you are replaying my life to a tee. I buried it but it kept creeping to the forefront. I suffered in silence. I sought help three years ago and I can say the therapy I am receiving is helping. Long road ahead but I am willing to do what I can to get better.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:55 AM

      Take your time as you heal.

  2. The Nerdy Diva 🤓

    September 29, 2018 at 8:07 AM

    This was a powerful post!! It has to be hard losing your mother and on top having her go with so many in answered questions. I know you will/are a role model to your girls and other girls who have gone through the same thing. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us!

  3. Michael

    September 29, 2018 at 3:05 PM

    I understand your situation because my mother recently passed. It’s not easy dealing with my day-to-day activities. I act like there is nothing wrong, but I’m in turmoil most days. I have difficulty sleeping and normally I cannot remain still for any length of time. I have seemed therapy on a number occasions in the last year. There is nothing like speaking with my mom and now I cannot hear here voice. We used to speak nearly everyday.
    I appreciate you taking the time to share your struggles. Many of my days are still filled with challenges to cope without her.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:54 AM

      The grief process is journey, take the time you need as you experience it. Focus on memories, the dreams (if you have them), etc…

  4. Cris

    September 29, 2018 at 3:49 PM

    Oh, my! Those sound like my triggers as well. Yoga and meditation have helped so much. Glad you found the support to help you continue forward on your journey.

  5. Ruth

    September 29, 2018 at 4:33 PM

    I’m glad you have managed to find good ways to cope and stay positive after your trauma. Sounds like it must have been an awful experience. I admire you so much, thank you for sharing this story with us 🙂

  6. Monidipa Dutta

    September 29, 2018 at 11:06 PM

    I am really glad that you found ways to cope with the trauma. I can understand how hard it would have been for you. Meditation would have helped you a lot.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:51 AM

      I agree. Unfortunately, meditation was not a topic when i was younger.

  7. fivelittledoves (@fivelittledove5)

    September 30, 2018 at 8:10 AM

    I am so glad you found a way to cope. I have had PTSD and live with it even now, I can’t thank my therapists enough!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 9, 2018 at 11:23 AM

      Yes. Trauma is a lifelong healing journey. Many will never understand Stay encouraged on being a better you.

  8. lattelindsay

    September 30, 2018 at 9:53 AM

    Those are my triggers too! I hate being out in public in case I have to deal with someone’s rudeness/negative attitude. Online shopping has been a miracle worker for me!

  9. duffelbagspouseacey

    September 30, 2018 at 12:14 PM

    We have similar triggers. I too am a military wife and the stress is real. I work hard to calm myself when I feel the anger swelling up. I don’t want to be a stereotype in any way. I meditate more often, surround myself with positive influences and avoid the places where my triggers are common. It helps, but is always going to be a work in progress.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:47 AM

      Continue to work on you and understand your triggers. Meditation is an awesome place to start on the journey of healing.

  10. Tessa G

    September 30, 2018 at 2:10 PM

    I’m not sure how old you are, but you will eventually come to a place in your life where you can leave all of that behind, for the most part. I won’t say that it will go away completely, because it won’t. It DOES take time; and everyone’s story and experience is different; however, the way I feel about my own childhood traumas now is so very different than how I felt about them 10 years ago. Peace be with you!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:44 AM

      Thank you. It’s behind me. That’s why i feel compelled to write about it. However, my childhood experience will never dissipate. I have learned how to live with my experience. Everyone’s healing process is different.

  11. Amber

    September 30, 2018 at 6:23 PM

    Wow! I feel everything you’re saying in this post Soror!! Lost my mom 1999 and as a child there were many women and still are who continue to feed into me. I truly thank God for those provisions. Healing from trauma takes time (which does not heal all wounds alone), counseling and self-compassion. Awesome read!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:41 AM

      Thanks Soror! I am glad you were blessed with encouragement and love.

  12. Grace Vargas

    October 1, 2018 at 7:06 AM

    Definitely agree to this. Trauma will always bring to us to any situation for the rest of our live. That’s why its very important we just slow let time slowly heals our past

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:39 AM

      Take our time and learn throughout the process. Learn what works for me as i heal.

  13. BehindTheSchmile

    October 1, 2018 at 9:43 AM

    “Each person in your life serves a purpose. There is also a purpose you are in someone’s life.”
    Loved the way you ended this because it’s so easy to get caught up in having a life purpose that is self-serving when the reality is that we were all placed here to help the next person! Beautiful post- thanks for sharing!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:38 AM

      Yes, we have to learn how to be more selfless. Let the light shine on others. And sometimes, that’s when growth occurs.

  14. pracreation

    October 1, 2018 at 10:36 AM

    You are strong person, kudos to you for sharing your story to inspire people around.

  15. Devyani Ray

    October 1, 2018 at 5:02 PM

    You are so strong! It’s not easy to share this on the internet. I hope people learn from your experience.

  16. Officially Chic

    October 1, 2018 at 5:34 PM

    I’m so happy that you were able to find a group of women who could support you and aid you in your journey to healing. This just goes to show how amazing we can be when we have a great tribe behind us.
    http://www.officiallychic.com

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:35 AM

      Absolutely! Great things happen when we all work together.

  17. Martina Bailey

    October 1, 2018 at 7:02 PM

    I applaud you for sharing suck sensitive emotions and for taking the time and effort to heal. I can definitely relate to having trauma impact me in my adult life. I’m still dealing with it actually. This was an encouraging read for me. I’m rooting for you and praying for you. Much love 💕

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:35 AM

      Thank you for the prayers. We both know that healing through any situation is a journey.

  18. delusionsofparenthood

    October 1, 2018 at 9:14 PM

    I appreciate your honestly with your journey through trauma. Recovery is a life long process & I’m glad you have found coping mechanisms and people that can help you through! I look forward to reading more of your blog!

  19. This is Brii

    October 1, 2018 at 10:37 PM

    This is so beautiful, so powerful, I was in tears reading this. I have always read how hard it is to lose a parent, but I never really understood until reading this. This was beyond what I expected, and I’m lost of words. I admire you for pulling through, and being able to now talk about it. God bless!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:32 AM

      I am thankful for His grace and mercy!

  20. Lydia Young-Samson

    October 2, 2018 at 1:01 AM

    You are awesome for talking through this. I have been there too. Still there some days, working through it all.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 2, 2018 at 4:30 AM

      Thank you. Take your time. Stay encouraged!

  21. ebonimorgan

    October 2, 2018 at 6:42 AM

    Such a brave topic to touch on. You are so strong!

  22. lauren4man1

    October 2, 2018 at 6:47 AM

    I’m so sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine how hard that was. I’m right there with you on controlling anger and learning to approach life’s challenging moments differently. Those are my current goals.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 9, 2018 at 11:20 AM

      Thank you! Stay motivated and encouraged!

  23. Rhonda

    October 2, 2018 at 6:50 AM

    My husband and I are currently in counseling because of somehting very similar. Dealing with a lot of issues from our past that neither of us ever treated and it’s been quite the journey working through those “triggers”. Thank you for sharing your story. It truly helps!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 9, 2018 at 11:21 AM

      I am glad you all have figured out a plan for a healthy marriage. Stay encouraged. Thanks for visiting.

  24. Marquita

    October 2, 2018 at 8:32 AM

    I’m glad you were able to overcome your struggles by building a village. Strength in numbers!

    1. Trenye B.

      October 9, 2018 at 11:22 AM

      It takes a village…Thanks for visiting.

  25. Umesh

    October 2, 2018 at 9:21 AM

    Great Post, yes its true, Trauma is never- ending journey. Meditation would have helped you a lot.

  26. Abina George

    October 2, 2018 at 9:46 AM

    I’m learning to deal with my own trauma as well. It’s so difficult to break out of bad habits. I’ve also dealt with feelings of abandonment and he lost of those dear to me and its hard to guide yourself to a healthy path. Overall it’s the best thing to do for yourself though.

  27. Brie

    October 2, 2018 at 7:36 PM

    I grew up in the military and continue to move to this day. Thanks for sharing your story.

  28. scrapbookadventures365

    October 3, 2018 at 11:44 AM

    Very brave of you to share your story. Best of luck for the future 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Go ahead and enter your deets below to be the first to receive information straight to your inbox.  

Thank You For Subscribing

This means the world to us!

Spamming is not included! Pinky promise.

shares