Overcoming My Own Anxiety

The psychological and verbal abuse was evident to everyone else but me.

I was blinded by a narcissist. If you know what that is like, then you know how hard it is to get away, get free of the mental mind games and be free from an emotional vampire.

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I wasn’t sure how I allowed it to happen – I was always strong-minded, strong-willed, independent and had my boundaries set. However, this particular person threw my world upside down and made me into a cowering, scared and beat down person. The psychological and verbal abuse was evident to everyone else but me.
Continue reading “Overcoming My Own Anxiety”

My Journey Is Not A Race

What does mental health mean to you?
To me, mental health is just as important if not more important than physical health. If my mental health isn’t in a good place, the rest of my health and life truly isn’t either. If I am struggling mentally then it means I’m not working out, I’m not eating well, and I most definitely am not taking the time to do any part of my self-care routine. It will show in all aspects of my life.


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What does mental health mean to you?

To me, mental health is just as important if not more important than physical health. If my mental health isn’t in a good place, the rest of my health and life truly isn’t either. If I am struggling mentally then it means I’m not working out, I’m not eating well, and I most definitely am not taking the time to do any part of my self-care routine. It will show in all aspects of my life. Read more of the post

My Mental Health Journey…

My mental health journey began many years ago, and has been, probably THE MOST difficult health issue that I’ve had to face.  We hear in the news and in our families, how mental health tends to be taboo and something most people just don’t talk about, or want to bring up.  Many times, it’s due to not wanting to face the root cause of the issue, or perhaps even the work it will take to fix it. 

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Continue reading “My Mental Health Journey…”

Resilience in Military Spouses..Part 2

“The resiliency that is forced on military spouses, families, and service members is dynamic. It’s unscheduled, tough, learn as you go, unwritten rules and regulations which go unspoken amongst the ranks of all military spouses.”
My grand idea to deal with the scenario is to start my own blog website and volunteer at my church to be a Stephen Minister, again resiliency! BTW, mister was not too thrilled about me taking up another task because he feels as though I have too many responsibilities. This is a “snippet” of what non-traditional military families are comprised of. I certainly do not wish this entry to appear as a pity party, complaint department, or an alert to local government that military families need urgent care attention while spouses are deployed. I simply wish to honor the resiliency of my family and all military families verbally and perhaps enlighten some lovely readers on some common unknowns that may go forsaken if not spoken on. I say that to say this; I’ve enjoyed many moments throughout my husband’s military service and honestly wouldn’t change much about it. My husband puts forth great effort to illustrate his appreciation for my children and I. I actually revel in the fact I get to see what a non-traditional military family looks like from the inside and I hold my head high that I have stood beside a phenomenal man while seeing and experiencing some things not everyone is blessed to witness. I also appreciate the unnatural characteristic military service has inherently taught me for resiliency.
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I have gone about my last 16 plus years since I met my husband, taking for granted the life lessons and resiliency training military service has forced upon me. I complained very little. I adapted and overcame, learned the military friendly jargon associated with spousal service, kissed my husband goodbye for an undetermined amount of time within days notice and can even tell military time within a second’s question! I can not recall how resilient I was at the beginning of this journey. But as we reach the end of his career, I can tell you the only moment I blink an eye of possible resentment is when my children, husband, another military family, or even myself experience a form of non-appreciation from someone who “just doesn’t know.” And are quick to minimize the resiliency it takes for military spouses to endure constant unpredictableness and sacrifice for the love of our service member and our country.
The resiliency that is forced on military spouses, families, and service members is dynamic. It’s unscheduled, tough, learn as you go, unwritten rules and regulations which go unspoken amongst the ranks of all military spouses. A respect that is not necessarily a code of passage, but understood and commonly acknowledged amongst the familiar ones. My children have been in public with our Chief Petty Officer on numerous occasions. There is rarely a lack of respect and appreciation displayed towards him. I admire my husband because in those situations, he commonly deflects that admiration and appreciation towards our girls and myself, simply stating “I couldn’t do it without them” again that’s resiliency of a military spouse and family.  I am a resilient military spouse.
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Resilience​ in Military Spouses

I don’t believe in today’s time and age it would be a difficult task explaining to someone that military service and the necessity of resiliency go hand and hand. However, I would venture to say perhaps a forsaken aspect of military service is the spouse and family left behind during military deployments. Yes, I absolutely appreciate what every active duty and reserve servicemember, veterans and retirees endure while deployed defending our countries rights and liberties. I’m speaking towards the evolution of our society through the course of time and the notion that a military family’s schematics have changed in makeup over the last few years. With that change, the necessity for spouses and family members to evolve as well have been streamlined and somewhat overshadowed. With that said, I’ll disclose where my viewpoint on this subject lies. I’m the spouse of an active duty Navy Chief. We have five beautiful daughters together (2 (twins) still in the house), and even in our current situation, he is stationed 2 thousand miles away from me, while I’m essentially performing his duties here as head of the household. This isn’t our first rodeo regarding separation, planning and dealing with separation and trials and tribulations associated with said separations. After 19 years of separation (16 for me), you build a rhythm and with enough pre-empted planning the difficulties tied to military deployments for families and spouses left behind seem manageable. I question rather they are manageable due to the tenure of service, the number of deployments endured, or the tenacious resiliency that is naturally built through years of service.
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The makeup of typical military families years passed was a husband/father who served, a mother/wife who remained in place at home and mounds of warm and fuzzy feelings. The mother didn’t work, the kids cried themselves to sleep at night missing Dad, the families never seemed to have money issues, the family dog was tremendously well behaved, the toilet worked just fine, there were no snakes in the front yard while the mother took out the trash, tire pressures on the family vehicle remained a constant 35 PSI etc… The reality of today: I’m a fulltime school board employee, I’m in the middle of my dissertation for my doctorate, my dog is hell on earth, I’ve seen two snakes in my front yard, my kids participate in cross country, two different dance teams, soccer, track, piano, and band, I’m the chaperone and again, my husband is 2,000 miles away. One of the major differences I notice between the two scenarios, is the kids crying at night. If my children cry at night because they miss their Dad (I’m sure they do), I don’t see or hear anything about it, this is resiliency. I do not cower behind my what some could consider a tumultuous situation and use as an excuse to quit working and focus on my studies (or vice versa) as my husband has constantly urged. Stay tuned for Part 2…
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I Played the Blame Game

Many years ago I blamed my parents’ for not paving the path for me to do great things.  Or the mere fact I had to work harder than the next person to live a comfortable life because the foundation for success was unspoken of in my home.  Blaming others for where we are in life does not change our current position. We are where we are, until we make a choice to be in a better place.  Undoubtedly, I needed someone to take the blame to justify what I considered to be my failure.  My maladaptive behaviors were a result of my cognitive distortions which had me believing, I am less than. I was hurting while I tried to figure out life, as I desperately wanted to know how could I possibly make it out of high school as a teen mom, or go to college, etc.? A long time ago, I decided not to let my past define who I am.  Although my past plays a significant role in my life, I am not my past. I decided to make a choice in my life to accept where I am and accept what is. Once I recognized the “what is” of my life, I grew mentally and emotionally.  I learned the power of self-love and created my own path to success.Quote on starting over
Today is a great day to accept the “what is.”  What keeps you from accepting your “what is?”  Stay encouraged!
Tren B.