Resilience in Military Spouses..Part 2

“The resiliency that is forced on military spouses, families, and service members is dynamic. It’s unscheduled, tough, learn as you go, unwritten rules and regulations which go unspoken amongst the ranks of all military spouses.”
My grand idea to deal with the scenario is to start my own blog website and volunteer at my church to be a Stephen Minister, again resiliency! BTW, mister was not too thrilled about me taking up another task because he feels as though I have too many responsibilities. This is a “snippet” of what non-traditional military families are comprised of. I certainly do not wish this entry to appear as a pity party, complaint department, or an alert to local government that military families need urgent care attention while spouses are deployed. I simply wish to honor the resiliency of my family and all military families verbally and perhaps enlighten some lovely readers on some common unknowns that may go forsaken if not spoken on. I say that to say this; I’ve enjoyed many moments throughout my husband’s military service and honestly wouldn’t change much about it. My husband puts forth great effort to illustrate his appreciation for my children and I. I actually revel in the fact I get to see what a non-traditional military family looks like from the inside and I hold my head high that I have stood beside a phenomenal man while seeing and experiencing some things not everyone is blessed to witness. I also appreciate the unnatural characteristic military service has inherently taught me for resiliency.
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I have gone about my last 16 plus years since I met my husband, taking for granted the life lessons and resiliency training military service has forced upon me. I complained very little. I adapted and overcame, learned the military friendly jargon associated with spousal service, kissed my husband goodbye for an undetermined amount of time within days notice and can even tell military time within a second’s question! I can not recall how resilient I was at the beginning of this journey. But as we reach the end of his career, I can tell you the only moment I blink an eye of possible resentment is when my children, husband, another military family, or even myself experience a form of non-appreciation from someone who “just doesn’t know.” And are quick to minimize the resiliency it takes for military spouses to endure constant unpredictableness and sacrifice for the love of our service member and our country.
The resiliency that is forced on military spouses, families, and service members is dynamic. It’s unscheduled, tough, learn as you go, unwritten rules and regulations which go unspoken amongst the ranks of all military spouses. A respect that is not necessarily a code of passage, but understood and commonly acknowledged amongst the familiar ones. My children have been in public with our Chief Petty Officer on numerous occasions. There is rarely a lack of respect and appreciation displayed towards him. I admire my husband because in those situations, he commonly deflects that admiration and appreciation towards our girls and myself, simply stating “I couldn’t do it without them” again that’s resiliency of a military spouse and family.  I am a resilient military spouse.
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25 Comments

  1. Jessica Baker

    October 14, 2018 at 4:50 PM

    I never understood how my grandma managed to raise 5 kids, oftentimes overseas in unfamiliar countries, and most of the time with my grandfather in an entirely different country. The strength and resilience of military spouses, just to get through the day-to-day stuff without your partner is phenomenal.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 18, 2018 at 3:11 PM

      Your grandma is a remarkable woman, I’m sure!

  2. jplagens

    October 14, 2018 at 6:11 PM

    Thank you for your service. It is not just your husband that serves our country but the whole family. I don’t know how families do it when their loved one is gone so much. I am sure you have to fight worry as well.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 18, 2018 at 3:12 PM

      It is extremely difficult, but His grace and mercy keep us covered.

  3. delusionsofparenthood

    October 14, 2018 at 8:55 PM

    Great post! I agree with the previous commenter who said it’s not just your husband who serves our country, it’s the whole family. All of you are sacrificing and overcoming so many obstacles. I thank all of you for your service and I’m glad it’s made your family resilient.

  4. Jane

    October 15, 2018 at 10:57 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing the sacrifices you and your family make for the rest of us. It has to be really tough to have to deal with the unpredictability of it especially when you have young kids. It is amazing how resilient we can be in dealing with the life we have to live. And So glad to meet a Stephen minister. I did not know that such a thing even existed until I have had to deal with some hard stuff and have needed one so I will be talking to her this week. Thank you for all you do and all the roles you play.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 18, 2018 at 3:14 PM

      That’s awesome. I had never heard of a Stephen Minister until I moved to West Florida. I am glad you were able to seek services and support.

  5. hauteandcomely

    October 16, 2018 at 1:34 AM

    I was an army wife for 5 years and you are definately right. I can recall so many occasions when I felt as though I was in the military myself. However I believe that soldiers are revered more in the US than here in the UK.

    1. Trenye B.

      October 18, 2018 at 3:16 PM

      Ha! so true. We are at the hands of the military.

  6. No Family or Friends, Just Us! – The Life of A Therapist

    November 27, 2018 at 7:52 PM

    […] Although, the twins had dance and soccer practice during our time away from school.  Most parents can relate, when children are involved, there is no such thing as idle time.  But we were thankful for the slow pace this holiday brought us.  Read my blogs where I discuss Resilience in Military spouses and Resilience in Military Spouses..Part 2. […]

  7. Anonymous

    May 13, 2019 at 9:50 AM

    I needed to read this today!!! My husband and I have lived a part since July and it looks like that will be the case until November and it is the struggle. I needed the reminder that I am resilient even through this new phase of life. Thank you for this reminder!!

    1. Tren B.

      June 18, 2019 at 8:21 PM

      Although long distance relationships are do-able, they are tough!! Be creative,stay hopeful and the time will fly. Well wishes to you!

  8. Betty @ Mombrite

    May 21, 2019 at 5:58 PM

    I really have to hand it to military wives, I don’t think I can endure what you go through. Thank you and your husband so much for your service.

  9. Jen @ Jenron Designs

    June 24, 2019 at 6:45 PM

    I am not sure if it got my first comment it gave me a weird duplicate text message, but What I said was we have a bunch of family in the military too and it is such a daily sacrifice. So hard on them being separated.

    1. Tren B.

      June 28, 2019 at 9:54 AM

      Military life definitely comes with a lot of hard times. But also, a lot of good times. Thanks for visiting.

  10. Melissa

    June 24, 2019 at 8:25 PM

    Hi, Thank you and your family for your service. I know that it’s a big sacrifice. My husband supports the military as an engineer and he’s goes away for a month at a time, and it’s really hard. Military families have to be very resilient and strong. Thanks for sharing! Melissa Damiani | Gratitude Grace Glamour

    1. Tren B.

      June 28, 2019 at 9:58 AM

      Thank you! I think anytime our spouses go away, it’s hard. Even if it’s for a week, lol. Even when Chief flies out for a week, my entire life changes. We appreciate all your husband does 💛

  11. travelandhikewithpcos

    June 24, 2019 at 9:27 PM

    Great post. It is the Military family who is sacrificing for us and the country when the member is gone on assignment. There will be lot of worries, trouble and responsibilities that the other parent needs to handle alone the family and kids. Being a part of Military family is tough one. I have much respect for you and all the Military families. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Tren B.

      June 28, 2019 at 10:00 AM

      Well said. Thank you so much 💛

  12. The Sprouting Minds

    June 25, 2019 at 8:08 AM

    I completely agree on the resilience you all have! My sister is a military spouse. I seriously look up to her and her family for all they are doing for this country. We are thankful for all of you who are in or married into the military 🙂

    1. Tren B.

      June 28, 2019 at 10:01 AM

      Thank you! Well wishes to your sister and her family 💛

  13. Natalie Eng

    June 25, 2019 at 8:54 AM

    Amazing! I have so much respect for you Tren and thank your family for their resilience and the service putforth by your husband!
    -Natalie | http://www.TheGraceReal.com | @faithandwellness_by_nat

    1. Tren B.

      July 13, 2019 at 4:26 PM

      Thanks Natalie for such sweet words 💛

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