5 Tips To Surviving A Long Distance Relationship

Surviving a long distance relationship has been a difficult challenge for both Chief and I. You may think after 13 plus years it gets easier, it doesn’t! Over time and with each separation, you grow in all aspects (I am thankful for growth). You learn ways to make difficult times work with each separation. Many military families can attest to that. The picture represents our first deployment as a married couple. And boy was it an experience! 
fullsizeoutput_592It’s no secret to many that Chief and I are living and surviving a long distance relationship for almost a year, YIKES! I discussed some of that in my blogs Resilience in Military Spouses, Resilience in Military Spouses..Part 2 and Separation and Reunification: Military Life. Being said, I will share what has worked for us (Chief and I).  Different families may or may not have similarities regarding their experience with long distance relationships, as each journey will always be different. However, hearing different stories and experiences could possibly help in piecing together a strategy for your foreseeable experience or issues to come. Here are a few strategies that Chief and I use to survive our long distance relationship.
Tips to survive a long distance relationship
1. Trust
Trust goes both ways. It takes work to earn, build and keep trust.  Trust should be established well before the separation. I’m not referring to trust as in just infidelity issues, but also being reliable and dependable. Simply, can you depend on your partner to be there for you, whether big or small issues come up? Do you have to “check in” with your partner or “check up” on your partner? There’s a difference between the two. What may seem an inconvenience or redundancy to you, may mean the world in reference to the trust of your partner. There needs to be a middle ground when “working” towards trust in a long distance relationship.
2. Communication
Fostering quality communication helps build a solid foundation to a lifelong relationship. Thankfully, there is FaceTime and other social media platforms that aid in communication. Also, don’t put a number on ” how many times” you’re supposed to talk with your partner. There are days, where Chief and I don’t talk or FaceTime. But we text the hell out of each other, lol. Some phone conversations last for minutes, while others last for hours. It depends on what we have going on. I do not call Chief for everything. He trusts and supports whatever day to day decisions I make. Communication is one “key” that if not endorsed, and I mean endorsed HEAVILY, so much turmoil can be internally introduced.
3. Make sure both you and your partner goals are all aligned
Are both of you aiming to eventually reunify? If one partner is completely content with being separated and have no end goal of reunifying while the other is thinking it’s temporary, that’s a huge issue! In our situation, the separation was ideal, not wanted. Discuss the expectations and outcomes of the separation. Weigh the pros and cons, ensure this is a mutual decision, not favorable by default.  This will eliminate unexpected surprises.
4. Schedule visits
Being a military spouse, sometimes there is no opportunity to schedule visits. Military spouses also know that deployment is temporary. But if your spouse is living in another town, scheduled visits are important. Plan and put the dates on the calendar. Because it’s cheaper for Chief to fly to us, he comes home often. I’ve also visited him without the girls, just adult time and used that time to focus on us without interruptions. But one of my recent blogs Living A Simplified Life is a snippet of our family trip to California. Bottom line, physical presence is important in a relationship!
5. Don’t put your life on hold
Yep, I said it. You shouldn’t spend every minute waiting on your partner. You should be working on yourself and your goals. And hopefully, your partner is doing the same. I discussed Chief and I both have a purpose in From Prison to Purpose. Find a hobby, go to school, meet new people, etc. Engage in your life, make the best of your situation, and seek out your purpose. You should live each day with a purpose, whether with or without your partner.
As I have always stated, you are strong and capable of doing far more than you imagine if the circumstances are important to you.  At the end of the day, you have to figure out what’s worth waiting and working for.
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What worked or didn’t work for you, please share.
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29 Comments

  1. Lifewithlorean

    January 18, 2019 at 3:44 PM

    I’ve been in two long distance relationships which didn’t last due to lack of trust and communication. It’s hard enough when you’re in the same city, so extra effort needs to be put in for ldr. It’s definitely not for everyone!

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 5:38 PM

      Yeah I agree. Trust and communication can make or break a relationship.

  2. Fiorella Madsen (@lacasadefreja)

    January 18, 2019 at 4:00 PM

    It’s definitely a challenge. We have passed through it before we married, trust is a must in this situation 🙂

  3. Angela N.

    January 18, 2019 at 9:22 PM

    Great article! I think #5 is especially important.

  4. Sharvina.y

    January 19, 2019 at 7:29 AM

    Very interesting article… Thank you!

  5. Jess

    January 19, 2019 at 8:59 AM

    While I was active duty my husband had to hold down the fort so to speak! I think I survived but he was not up for it lol. I just sent this article to him in Hope’s it helps in the future

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 5:39 PM

      Lol, holding down the fort is hard work. I fell his pain, lol.

  6. Chlo (@SimplyyChlo)

    January 19, 2019 at 12:28 PM

    Some great tips here, I’ve never been in a long distance relationship but I think trust is the most important thing

  7. Stephanie Eiler (@citrus_and_sun)

    January 19, 2019 at 1:33 PM

    Great post! I was in a long distance relationship for about a year and we ended up getting married, but it was definitely difficult to be a part. We never left each other without making plans for the next time we were going to see each other!

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 5:41 PM

      That’s a great idea to make plans and schedule it in advance.

  8. indu mathi

    January 19, 2019 at 3:08 PM

    Vow beautifully said. As you said, trust is must in every other relationship.

  9. Ari Jade

    January 19, 2019 at 11:08 PM

    I definitely found this post interesting and think you’re such a strong secure woman. I know I personally don’t think I could handle it mentally especially in the context of my loved one being deployed however, I’m sure as you said keeping yourself busy helps get through it!

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 6:14 PM

      Thanks. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do, in the name of love 😉

  10. Poovanesh

    January 20, 2019 at 7:54 AM

    It requires dedication and total commitment to survive a long distance relationship. Good on your and your Chief for staying the course.

  11. tcleland88

    January 20, 2019 at 12:42 PM

    Thanks for this advice. My husband is going to be working out of town for the next eight months–too far to even come home on weekends. It’ll be a first for us. He hasn’t been gone for more than a week since we got married.

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 6:16 PM

      Oh you’re going to do awesome! Definitely get use to Skype, email and FaceTime.

  12. avriii

    January 21, 2019 at 4:28 PM

    Don’t put your life on hold – I hit like just for that alone! It’s true – you cannot stop your own personal growth just because you’re waiting for someone else! My partner and I are long distance this year due to an unexpected death in his family and both of us are still getting on with our lives and doing the things we want to do. Space in a relationship is so crucial and people so so often see this as a negative! You have to be a strong individual to make a strong pair and distance and space, when you see it positively, are a great way to spend all that extra time on bettering you! A better you is a better couple!!

    1. Tren B.

      January 22, 2019 at 6:17 PM

      So true! Thanks for sharing and I wish you all well.

  13. Bee - bites n pieces

    January 23, 2019 at 6:17 AM

    Just want to pop in here to say we appreciate your husband’s service and your sacrifices!

    1. Tren B.

      January 23, 2019 at 2:43 PM

      Thank you so much for your kind words!

  14. Angela Fernando

    January 23, 2019 at 1:34 PM

    I don’t actually believe in long relationships! OMG…

    1. Tren B.

      January 23, 2019 at 2:48 PM

      Seems like you’ve had a bad experience with relationships. But, Did you come on my page just to say that? You really could’ve kept that to yourself. Or commented on at least one positive aspect within this post. Hell, maybe the pictures or the logo…,I’m sure you could’ve found something!! For future references,, Not everything needs a comment or a reaction.
      But, everyone has their beliefs…good, bad in different.

  15. astoldbyali

    January 25, 2019 at 3:34 PM

    Totally agree with all of these. Currently in a long distance relationship as well, can’t wait to reunite. Video calls definitely help us tho.

    1. Tren B.

      January 26, 2019 at 10:26 AM

      Reunification always ignites my heart! Well wishes to you on this journey!

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